what my dignity brought to me

This morning, the Pastor said that we are the slaves of God, which i totally agreed with.

Once i complied with the statement, God reminded me about "TOTALLY".

The Bible says that i am belonged to God, but actually i belong to myself.

The first thing came to my mind is my "FACE" problem. I cannot lose face.

My dear father loved "Majhong" (Chinese game). He loved to win so he cannot loose. So every time when we played Majhong with him, he wanted to win all of our money even one single penny. Inherited by his strong-will of winning, i was totally addicted to the game which my dear daughter introduced to me on Facebook. The reason why i was addicted to it is because the score gets posted to everyone who plays. All the other players on my list are my daughter's classmates. So i HAVE TO WIN. I can't lose my FACE especially in front of my daughter's classmates. I need to show them i am great! So i played for days and nights.

Many times after playing the game, i told myself that i could not play it anymore because it wasted my time and energy, but whenever i linked to Facebook, i started to play again. I found out that i could not control myself anymore. I was totally trapped by the game. Later on, i regarded that it is not me who was playing the game. It was something inside me playing it. I knew i was possessed by the evil spirit. Even though i prayed to God to help me get rid of it, i played even more.

Last night, i felt that i had terrible feelings needing to play the game. But i will lead the worship next morning. There was little voice telling me that it was fine to play just a couple minutes. I thought it was right. It won't hurt anything just by a few minutes. Once i started to play, i could not stop. I noticed that i wanted to get the highest score but unfortunately there is a super girl who always got the highest score. And nobody could beat her. I had to admit that i will never ever beat her even if i tried harder. I hated myself so badly. I knew i should not have played the game.

Then God's mercy fell down on me. My lovely God told me if i wanted to play, i can use my daughter's account not mine so i have no losing face issue. And He showed me i need to have a willing heart to be released . Even though i prayed, my heart still wanted to keep the desire. So He could not do anything to me. He told me I should pray for the willingness of deliverance.

After i prayed for myself, God did do new things to me. He took away the addiction, so i am free now.

God showed me that because of my dignity, i gave the evil spirit a chance to control me. I asked God to stop my dignity.

How great is my God. He delivered me from the devil! My God is an awesome GOD!