Why should i take the consequence?

I felt pretty bad after this Sunday worship. Actually, i should say that i felt awful.
Why? I led a pretty awful worship. It made me so upset because there was empty during the worship. That meant there was no connection to God.
My husband and my daughter told me the keys were too high, and a young kid's mom came to me asking me to add some allegros songs. I was totally smashed.
So i started to make an excuse for myself, I searched the file in my brain. Was there anything that i could accuse for the failure? Finally, there was one reason that i could blame on. I felt much much better.
I went to God. He told me clearly. I was the leader so i was responsible for the failure. I told Him that it was not my fault and i gave Him the reason. But He still gave me the same sentence.
With a heart broken, i admitted it was my mistake. God showed me that Jesus was the lamb of God. Jesus represented us to die on the cross. He was the leader so all the sins ( condemnations or reponsibilities) were on Him. I did not need to hide . Just confessed and recognized how weak i was. God would not condemn or be mad at me because He loves me and He knew me.
After acknowledging it, I was in a rest. And my heart full of thanks!
Actually, after this event i wanted to quit the worship leader. I thought i was not qualified. I was really too old for the young kids. I asked God. He did not ask me to stop serving Him so i will still stand on the platform to lead the worship. Even though this bad experience made me fear. With God, there is nothing impossible to me. And God asked not to seek for people's praises but His! Because people's praises just like smoke, it will be gone immediately. And God's lasts forever. Praise my comforter the almighty one!

What do we miss when our eyes are on the fortune ?

Met my friend's kid at Taipei 101, i was excited to see a familiar face at an unfamiliar place.
I asked her whether she did any activities during the summer. She told me that she did go a lot of places. Then i asked her where she went. She replied to me that she stayed at Taidong for eight days. I said that Taidong is a hot hot place where i have been there once. Because it was so hot, we did not do anything until the sunset. I told her that we had a trip to London and i found out everything was so expensive there. Eagerly, she asked me " Does Hualian count for one place?"
With surprise, i said " Of cause. It does. ". She gave me a satisfied smile and left.
My heart was broken.
I hope i had a chance to tell her. It does not matter where she went to but whether she enjoyed it or not. I went to my God!
He told me that there are a lot of kids like her. They want to compete with their materials, but they miss the basic thing which is the joy from their naive.
How about me? Am i not doing the same thing? When i chase the fortune and reputation, what do i scarify? Then i stayed with my God for a longer period of time.

Can i take advantage of people's mistakes

I often had a temptation which was getting a miscalculated bill. I could discover easily that the cashier missed one or two items which i purchased. It meant i paying less. I had to go back to the cashier, corrected the number and paid again.
Today, I went to Taipei with my sweet daughter. The event happened again.
Since Frances is a twelve-year-old young lady, she needed to buy an adult ticket. I did not know about it until we left on the journy. I was not ready for it because she is just a KID.
All right, the temptation came. On the way back, the train station clerk sold Frances a child ticket. I paid without second thought. Because it was really cheap. After boarding, I thought about the amount of the money. I knew she made a mistake. What should i do?
Frances is still a kid. It should be fine to get a child ticket, isn't it?. Is it true? By the law of the train station, Frances should buy an adult ticket. But she is JUST a kid. I struggled. There was a voice coming out. " By the law of the train station...". I knew it was my God to remind me.
Without hesitating, I told Frances that i had to pay extra money for her ticket because of the mistake. I needed to declared it immediately or i would be in doubt again.
When we got off the train, i found a station agent and told her about the situation. She looked at Frances and told me, " It is all right for this time but please buy an adult ticket next time.".
Oh! What a relieve!
It was a good lesson for Frances as well. I told her if i did not tell the truth, i would have owed the train station few dollars and would be haunted by it forever. It was very unwise just for few dollars to ruin my life.
My God always loves me so so much that He reminds me to do the right things. Praise Him with all my thankful heart!

what my dignity brought to me

This morning, the Pastor said that we are the slaves of God, which i totally agreed with.

Once i complied with the statement, God reminded me about "TOTALLY".

The Bible says that i am belonged to God, but actually i belong to myself.

The first thing came to my mind is my "FACE" problem. I cannot lose face.

My dear father loved "Majhong" (Chinese game). He loved to win so he cannot loose. So every time when we played Majhong with him, he wanted to win all of our money even one single penny. Inherited by his strong-will of winning, i was totally addicted to the game which my dear daughter introduced to me on Facebook. The reason why i was addicted to it is because the score gets posted to everyone who plays. All the other players on my list are my daughter's classmates. So i HAVE TO WIN. I can't lose my FACE especially in front of my daughter's classmates. I need to show them i am great! So i played for days and nights.

Many times after playing the game, i told myself that i could not play it anymore because it wasted my time and energy, but whenever i linked to Facebook, i started to play again. I found out that i could not control myself anymore. I was totally trapped by the game. Later on, i regarded that it is not me who was playing the game. It was something inside me playing it. I knew i was possessed by the evil spirit. Even though i prayed to God to help me get rid of it, i played even more.

Last night, i felt that i had terrible feelings needing to play the game. But i will lead the worship next morning. There was little voice telling me that it was fine to play just a couple minutes. I thought it was right. It won't hurt anything just by a few minutes. Once i started to play, i could not stop. I noticed that i wanted to get the highest score but unfortunately there is a super girl who always got the highest score. And nobody could beat her. I had to admit that i will never ever beat her even if i tried harder. I hated myself so badly. I knew i should not have played the game.

Then God's mercy fell down on me. My lovely God told me if i wanted to play, i can use my daughter's account not mine so i have no losing face issue. And He showed me i need to have a willing heart to be released . Even though i prayed, my heart still wanted to keep the desire. So He could not do anything to me. He told me I should pray for the willingness of deliverance.

After i prayed for myself, God did do new things to me. He took away the addiction, so i am free now.

God showed me that because of my dignity, i gave the evil spirit a chance to control me. I asked God to stop my dignity.

How great is my God. He delivered me from the devil! My God is an awesome GOD!

why should i let go?

One of my brothers who speaks so straightforwardly irritates me sometimes.
Three days ago, I called him and asked how he was doing. He complained about there was a big mistake made by his stuff that he needed to fix the problem. And I told him that it should be fine and the event will be fixed. You know what he replied to me angrily?
"It is not you who take care of this crisis. It is ME!"
Ya! Sure! Even it was not my business but i was worry about him as well. With a very bad mood, i hung up the phone! I called him because of my goodwill. Just wanting to spread some joyful aroma to him.
All right, the task was coming . Since i am a christian, i know the God's rule which i need to forgive the one who transgresses against me. But i didn't want to. Why?
Number one, i did nothing wrong. Number two, i cared about that brother so i called him to see how good he was. I AM TOTALLY RIGHT!! And besides, he gave me such bad attitude so many times.
So for entire two days, i tried to ignore and forget the rule.
You know once there is a rebellion against God, there is no conversation with Him. Not a word!
Even though the rule turned off the channel with God, i still felt i am reasonable.
This morning, as usual, i prayed to God. I saw that i was just like a child holding small rocks so tightly . I started crying. I knew what God wanted to tell me.
I was willing to forgive that brother and i prayed. I saw my hands opening and the rocks dropped.
There were two meanings for the rocks: one was the authority of accusing that brother and another was a trash in God's eyes.
I was willing to give up the accusation of that brother. Suddenly, the burden dropped and the joy and new relation with God came back!
Praise the Lord! I am free again!

Why God did not cover for me when i made a small mistake?

This morning, I had a long conversation with one sister. She told me that she tried to attend the Sunday worship on time last week. So she parked her car any space available. After the service, she found out her car was towed away by the police. She did not feel good. I understand totally how she felt because my car was towed away once.
Just then, I received a speed limit ticket. I was overwhelmed! Wow! I did not know there was a speed limit on that road. My precious $50 was gone and it flied to the government.
I went to God with the same feelings with my sis. And why God did not block the hidden camara since i am His people and he should protect us? God told me that even though we are free in this world but it does not mean that we are free to do anything against the government. Besides satan always watches us and wants to put us to death. It is so right but it is so hard to obey sometimes because i like to drive fast. God told me if i can obey the world's laws which are not against God, it will just like to obey Him. All right, He is always right. But how i can get rid of the sadness ? God told me to face the reality and praise Him. Facing the reality is to confess and to accept the consequence. And through thanksgiving and praises, the burden will be gone. And satan lost again. YES! I started to praise the Lord! IT WORKED! I knew satan used this event to make me feel depressed.
Lord! Please help me not to step in the temptation and rescue me from evil. Amen!

Don't cry too fast

My sister planned to switch to another house to ease her financial issue. She was thinking about selling her house. But the roof was too old and it really needs to be repaired.
Few weeks ago, the weather report showed there would be a hailstorm coming to her neighborhood. The storm really came and the hails made a big hole on the roof.
With a broken heart, my sister had to pull out some money to fix the roof. It cost her around $3000. She prayed to God and asked for some money from the God's bank because it was over her budget.
Few days later, the insurance company visited them and checked the roof. They agreed the roof which could not be fixed anymore. So they approved to pay them $5000 to renovate the roof.
With this situation, you could image how happy my sister was, she gave thanks to God. He did not just pay the cost of the roof, but also the painting of the entire house as well.
God told me that sometimes we cry too early before reaching to the end. He told me everything that has happened to us is ALL GOOD THINGS in His eyes. He asked me to directly step on the end not stand at the beginning. Because He makes all things right and beautiful!!